FEAR - A phanfiction (AU)
by EvieIsOkay
Summary: Everything is controlled by the government: your daily routine, which job you have, the books you read, even who you marry (no gays), then on top of that, you have to take a jab every day that will force you into a nightmare scenario in your mind to combat fear. Dan and Phil fall in love, but have to face everyone they know. (this is inspired by divergent)
1. Chapter 1

16. That was the age every citizen of the UK had to start having F.E.A.R. jabs. 3029. That was the year I took my first injection.

1. That's the amount of injections we took per day.

Indefinite. That's how many days, weeks, months or years we have to take it.

On my birthday, June 11th 3029, I slept in. there wasn't much to wake up to. I started work tomorrow, and therefore wasn't scheduled until the afternoon. A rare treat. Very rare, as it would only happen once, which would be on this, my 16th, birthday. The only other time I would get would be after I moved out (tomorrow) every Sunday for two hours, which would for one day a week lessen the amount of hours of work we did to four hours. I was supposed to spend half an hour shopping for the next week's food, and for an hour and a half doing some form of exercise.

The government had sent the birthday presents I would receive, as they did every year. 7 new pairs of clothes, which usually consisted of short sleeved shirts and itchy trousers, plus underwear, which would be variations of white and grey as was appropriate; 1 pair of boots, 1 pair of flats; and an unflattering winter coat. The one luxury I would receive would be a book. The book I would receive would be non-fiction, the contents and theme of which I did not know yet, and it was only sent to us to teach us anything our 15 years of school missed out. These would be all the new things I would get until next year. That was all I would get for every birthday of my entire life until I died, the only changes being the size of the clothes and the contents of the book.

The fact that I would, from this day on, never go to school was no comfort to me. School selected the best job for you after your first school year at the age of 4, and then trained you to its particular needs. As all of the jobs paid the same amount, the job they picked affected only our happiness, a factor for which they did not account or care for. For me, they selected Lab Technician. I suppose I am luckier than the government employees, because as far as I know they do nothing except take notes and, if they're lucky, help to organize an event every now and then. I have my father to thank for my job, as I inherited his brains. So, as my F.E.A.R. jab is scheduled in the afternoon, I will work as a Labbie every day from 6am to 12am, 7 days a week. This will earn me enough to pay for my food and my taxes, and will only increase if the woman the government places me with has a child, which only happens if the government says we can to ensure the correct population for the next generation. So, at the age of sixteen, I knew what would happen on each day of my life until I died. This was because the government said it would be best, and according to the government, the government is always right.

When I did get up it was at around 8am, three hours later than usual. My Mother was taking her F.E.A.R. jab as she was placed in the morning shift, and my dad was at work because he, like me, had received the afternoon F.E.A.R. jab shift. So I was alone as I entered the drab kitchen. It contained the basic needs of cookery plus a single government-issue cookbook. It had one table. On the table were my presents. I opened all the clothes and donned the ones I would need, plus the flats. It had been very warm this June, so I wouldn't need the coat. Finally, I opened the package containing my book. It was entitled: 'The Modern Guide to Adulthood'. The title was black and the cover was grey with no illustration. In the bottom left-hand corner small letters read 'Government Official'. I opened it to the contents page: it listed:

Part 1: Work

Chapter 1: Your Workplace

Chapter 2: Workmates

Chapter 3: Formalities and Etiquette

Chapter 4: Salary and changes

Chapter 5: Uniform

Chapter 6: Attitude towards work

Part 2: F.E.A.R. jabs

Chapter 1: Brief History of F.E.A.R

Chapter 2: F.E.A.R. stations

Chapter 3: F.E.A.R. routine

Chapter 4: List of possible F.E.A.R. scenarios

Chapter 5: Aim of F.E.A.R. jabs

Part 3: Routine and everyday life

Chapter 1: Routine (Afternoon F.E.A.R. jab schedule)

Chapter 2: Routine (Morning F.E.A.R. jab schedule)

Chapter 3: Spare time

Chapter 4: Affairs and Marriage

Chapter 5: Housing

Of course, I would be required to read one page of my choice every day until my next birthday, which is why there are always 365 pages in each of our books. I decided I would read my first page that night. In the meantime, I would go out to walk, which I had never done before. At school we did one hour of circuit running every day but as an adult you could chose your own form of exercise for one and a half hours every week. We were told this in school, though they would probably elaborate in the book.

Before I exited my house, I stopped to check myself in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. Looking back at me was a tall boy with dark brown hair, dark eyes and tanned skin. I quickly fixed my hair into a side fringe that went just over my eyes before opening the door. As I stepped out into the frigid November air, I felt vaguely excited, as I had never had the time to go on a walk before. I had been on a schedule since the day I was born. The street was deserted, as it was only me and maybe one or two others who had turned 16 today and therefore had free time on a day that was not Sunday. All I did was walk around for a little while, until it was time for me to go to my first F.E.A.R. jab appointment. I took the 1pm F.E.A.R. bus for the first time from where my workplace would be when I started to work (tomorrow). Before this I only took two busses: the Morning and Afternoon school busses. Now I would walk to work, then from there I would get the bus to my F.E.A.R. station, then back to work, and from there I would walk back back home. It was complicated, yes, but who was I to question the government?

The F.E.A.R. station I was assigned to was half an hour an hour away from the lab I would be working in. this would give me half an hour to have my lunch, and then half an hour to get to the station at one. This was more or less the same for everyone over 16, as everyone was placed in a station around half an hour away from their place of work by the government.

My first impression of the station was not a good one. It was a large building with two floors painted a too-clean white. I cant be sure, but as I neared the front of the building, I think I heard a scream.

At the entrance were two assistants, one of which entered my name on a small handheld machine before instructing me to turn right, then take my second left into the H ward. The whole place smelt sterile and was painted grey and white. There were about fifty other people there, all sitting in seats that were labeled with their names. There were only two free seats, so it wasn't hard to find my name, Daniel Howell. I was on the end of the third row of seats, next to a boy who looked my age, with ebony hair in a side fringe like mine, and pale skin. He was joggling his leg nervously. He gave me a small smile as I sat down, which I returned, my lips stretching into the unfamiliar curve. "Dan," I said, offering my hand.

"Phil," he replied, shaking my hand. "First time?"

"Yes, and I don't know what to expect."

"I turned 16 in January, but I'm still not used to it…"

"What happens?"

"Well, your name gets called when they want you. Where you sit is the order you get called by, so you'll be after me. You go in and they strap you into a chair. Don't worry," he added, seeing my expression, "Its not that bad. The chairs are very comfortable and it's just for safety. Anyway, they strap you in and then give you an injection, then you basically go into a really vivid dream, where you see one of your fears, then you go into another room and calm down, then you wait until the shift ends and then go home."

His tone was so conversational, so informal; it took me slightly by surprise. But I liked it. I liked how he talked. It made me feel relaxed. And I needed to relax just now. I wasn't exactly _scared_, but I was a little tense.

We talked for a while before finally "Phillip Lester" was called.

"See you in a bit,"he said, before leaving the room. Time passed in slow motion while I waited for my name to be called. Finally, I was ushered through to a small room with a plush chair in the middle. One wall was mirrored. Other than that there was really nothing of interest in the room. My doctor, whose name badge read 'PJ Kendall', asked me to sit before securing straps around my arm.

I should explain. Our Prime Minister came from America, where they divide everyone into different factions. He was a Dauntless before he came here, and the Dauntless have to take F.E.A.R. jabs to make them braver. They induce visions of your worst nightmare until you learn to cope with them. If your fear includes an unspecified He thought it would be a good Idea to introduce the same concept here. He also introduced the routines, schedules and rules into our lives. I have never experienced any other way of life, but my grandparents could vaguely remember it and would tell me about it during their visits on Sundays, when we would go running together after school. The laws were introduced 50 years ago. Today it is still in practice, and, as we have no say in the government's decisions, here it will stay indefinitely.

"Hello Daniel. I am Doctor Kendall. Please relax. The jab will last 15 minutes after which you will be brought to a separate room until the shift has ended." Said my doctor, and before I could react the needle entered the skin on my arm and everything went black.

When I next opened my eyes I was lying down and unable to see anything, it was completely dark. I instantly began to panic. I hated the dark. The silence pressed in on me, suffocating me, as I reached out in an effort to find an escape. I found only a smooth polished surface surrounding me. Wood. I gasped, as I finally understood: I was in a coffin. I began to kick and scratch at the wood, breathing fast, desperate to escape. I screamed for help as I kicked, the air supply lessening as I hyperventilated. I had to escape. I had to escape. I had to…

I awoke gasping for air, still attached to the chair. Sweat ran down my forehead and my teeth chattered. Dr. Kendall walked in and undid the straps keeping me in the chair.

"There will be a water dispenser in the waiting room if you are thirsty. See you tomorrow, Daniel."

I shakily walked into a room identical to the waiting room, and found my seat next to Phil.

"How was it?"

"Terrible. I was buried alive."

"Ouch. I wish I could tell you something comforting, but there isn't much to say."

"Its fine."

We didn't say much after that. He seemed to be thinking, so I didn't say anything, All I knew was that, for the first time, I had really felt an emotion. I had felt fear.

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>-So there's the first chapter! hope you enjoy, I will try to update regularly. also, the POV changes through the story between Dan and Phil. thanks for reading :)<strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

Dan's POV

Every day was exactly the same. I got up at 5:30am to arrive at work at 6, where I took samples of people's blood, saliva, urine etc. to test for infections and illness. I suppose it must be more interesting than, say, working in government, as all they do is take notes; but the repetition was boring. At 12:30 I ate lunch at the work cafeteria, before getting the afternoon jab bus to my jab station. I underwent the Jab, and then went home at 5:30pm. Every. Day.

The house I had been moved to was one street away from my parents, and it was identical to their house except it only had one bedroom. When I got married at the official marriage age of 25, I would be moved to a slightly larger house with two bedrooms in case I was chosen to have a child. I read one page of my book every day and so far I have learned that to be promoted you have to have an impeccable record for at least 4 months, and you cannot be promoted in the first half year of employment.

As for the F.E.A.R. jabs, they hadn't improved, but neither did they get any worse. They must have worked though; as my grandparents had no fear by the time they were 50 and 52. I hoped that one day I could be like that. It would have been good to have no fear. Other than not having any fear, the only upside of the jabs was Phil. He could always be counted on to cheer me up, even on those days when life felt too dull to continue. Funnily enough, he was the only one that agreed with me on the subject of boredom, as apparently no one else ever felt bored. When I asked one of my colleagues at work if he was tired of doing the same thing every day, he said:

"When my government takes care of my needs, and I have no worries, why would I feel unhappy?"

It made me wonder if I was mad; no one questioned the government, the very idea was preposterous. But the thing was, I did question the government, and I seemed to be the only one who did. I was so scared, because if I told someone how I felt, they could report me to the police. I could be putting both my family and myself in danger. I would wait until I was sure I could trust Phil before telling him, because I could take no risks.

Phil's POV

The day I met Dan was the best day of my life. Finally, I have met someone else who can feel emotions. Everyone else is so robotic, programmed to be slaves to the government. But Dan is different. Dan is special.

One day we were talking, and for some reason we began to laugh, and oh my god, his laugh was amazing. It is the first time I have heard anyone else laugh, and it is a brilliant sound. I wondered why we are the only ones, why no one else could feel emotions as we can. If they found out we could feel, then heavens knows what they would do to us. Lock us up? Drug us? Kill us? It scares me to death to think of it.

I didn't know what to do.

When I was 5, just old enough to start primary, I realized I was different to all the other children, different to the adults, different to how I was supposed to be. While all the other students could remember anything the teacher told them to, I struggled with everything from times tables to spelling. With the other children, if the teacher told them something they would be able to say it back, word for word, without any trouble at all. I had to have a tutor every day of the week until I was 16, and even then I wasn't smart like Dan. I was put in the lowest type of government work: maintenance. I changed light bulbs, cleaned floors, polished tables. I had been doing this job for about 5 months, and I hated it. Nothing ever changes, and no one ever gives me any respect. Of course, the pay is the same as any other job, but at least in Dan's job you have respect and a small amount of authority. With mine, I am nothing more than a slave. People either ignore me or give me looks that suggest I disgust them. It is not a good life.

But now that I have Dan things might improve. I can finally talk to someone, someone who understands how I feel. For the first time ever, I feel hopeful of change; I feel hopeful of having a real life, not an artificial creation of the government. And it is this soothing thought that kept my head high, and a smile on my lips.

_**-So there's the second chapter **__**. Sorry that it's so short, but it's the best I could do. I will try to update more quickly in future. Please comment and tell me what I should do or not do, all constructive criticism is welcome! Thanks for reading!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Dan's POV **

When I was in year 5 of school our teacher was telling us about an outdated term called 'love'. In times before the government took control of a world 'wreaked with havoc', there were no routines, no jabs and no proper order. People tended to talk with each other in a 'casual manner' and eventually some would become 'hazardously close to each other causing feelings of 'love' and 'friendship' towards each other'. To make matters worse, some people would feel 'love' towards people of the same gender (these people were collectively called 'gay'), which completely went against nature, as these people would not even be able to reproduce. In the government's opinion, these people were evil. After the government gained power, they destroyed any gay people and sometimes supporters of gay rights. This, I thought, wasn't fair. But I just accepted it then because that was before I began to question the government, before I met Phil.

Exercise on a Saturday was for 1 and a half hours and the good thing was that you could do it with anyone. Though most people did it on their own, some people did is as a family or with people they knew. So after knowing Phil for one whole month I finally got up the courage and asked him if he wanted to go running with me. And he said yes! So after our separate simulations and after we had got our shopping for the week we met up at my house and went out running.

We talked a bit while we were running but mainly we just stayed silent, enjoying each other company and the feeling of the ground beneath our feet. The sun slowly sank into the Earth as we ran on, turning the sky orange and the fluffy clouds bright pink. Everything seemed so beautiful, so calm. Other people usually went to gyms for their exercise so we pretty much had the streets to ourselves. We ran a circuit through the town, going in a circle and ending back at my house. It was the same circuit as I ran every week but it seemed different when Phil was with me. More interesting.

We eventually got back to my apartment and I poured us a drink and got some snacks. We weren't really supposed to eat outside meals and my personal government-issue dietary plan had not suggested I buy the snack food as they were especially for people with a different metabolism to mine. But I had made the decision to buy them while shopping because running always made me hungry. We ended up staying in after that, talking and laughing. When he laughed his whole face lit up and his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth in a really sweet way, which made me want to make him laugh more.

By the time he left the stars were out and the moon was high in the sky. In the old days before the coal ran out and when the lights from the city seeped into the sky the stars could never be seen. But then the coal ran out, energy was put to a minimum use and orange in the sky slowly bled out, turning the sky midnight blue once again. Tonight the sky was completely cloudless and the stars seemed to be making a special effort to shine extra brightly. They sparkled down at us like little gems, and the moon was a spectacular orange color, a full orb in the night sky.

"So how are you going to get home? The busses don't run this late."

"I'll probably walk. I don't live too far away, and it's not too cold tonight."

"Same time next week?"

"Definitely"

"get home safe"

Then he gave me a smile and walked off.

Next week couldn't come soon enough.

**Phil's POV**

As I turned to leave Dan's apartment, I began to realize just how much I enjoyed spending time with him. We just _got _each other in a way that suggested we had known each other for much longer than just one month. I hated to say goodbye to him, like it was an actual physical pain. I have said before that I knew I was different from a young age. I felt more, I saw more, and though I was not that good in school, I knew more. I could see how the government was controlling us, and I could see how everyone around me was controlled. And now I knew something more.

I loved Dan.

'Love' is such a taboo word. No one really feels love anymore, not even parents towards their kids. But if 'love' is real, then it's what I'm feeling right now. It's hard to describe, but I can try.

It feels safe; like you know that as long as they are there nothing can hurt you, like nothing else matters as long as you have them. It's like that feeling you get if you miss a step on the stairs: panic, excitement, and butterflies when you see them. You don't have to worry about saying the right thing, because you know that they will either agree or at least understand your point. Half the time I'm around him I want to tell him how I feel or to do something rash like kiss him or something. But there are three reasons why I will never be able to tell him, or at least not for a long time:

One, he is only just beginning to learn to feel. He is probably really confused already and I don't want to add any stress in his life. Also he knows what the government does to people like me and that would probably scare him half to death.

Two, he probably doesn't feel any attraction towards men. It's really unlikely that he, too, is gay and so if I tell him how I feel he might not want to be around me anymore. I love him too much to risk it.

Three, I don't want to put him in any danger. I can't even begin to imagine what I would do if something happened to him because of me. I cant even bare thinking about it.

So I have to be happy with what I have: a very good friend who I can enjoy being around. But it's hard, so very hard.

I stared into the sky as I walked, the stars shimmering and the moon watching over me. I felt completely captured in the moment, my feet taking me home, my mind drifting through the night like a spirit of the past. I didn't know what was going to happen, but at that moment I was happy just drifting.

_**So there you are! Another chapter is coming soon. Hope you liked this one! Please comment if you want any changes or if you think I should do anything differently. You could even do that 2 stars and a wish thing they did in primary school if you want, it would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Dan's POV**

Phil and me were running the same route as we had last week. In fact everything looked exactly the same as it had last week, with the sun low in the sky and the pink clouds. Phil was slowing down though, and eventually grabbed my arm to make me stop running too. He looked at me staring into my eyes, before taking a deep breath and saying:

"Dan, there's this thing I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"What?"

"Its really hard to explain"

"Its fine, just do your best and I'll understand"

He looked really scared, and I noticed tears in his eyes.

"Its ok," I said, putting my hand on his arm.

"It's just-" he stopped, and did something that caught me completely off guard. He leaned in and kissed me.

Suddenly gunshot rang out across the street, and I felt Phil fall forward into me, blood smearing across my shirt. I screamed out his name before someone grabbed my arms and handcuffed them behind my back. I was pushed towards a police car but I pulled away from the policeman and ran back towards Phil, who was lying motionless on the ground, his clothes soaked in blood. But I was too slow. There was a blinding pain in the back of my skull, and everything went black.

I awoke from the simulation covered in sweat, with my hands clenched so tightly my knuckles were white and my nails digging into my palms. I was panting and my face was wet with tears. Dr. Kendal came in and released the bonds that held me to the chair. I went through to the next room and sat next to Phil.

"You all right?" he asked me, concern evident in his eyes.

"Y-yeah," I said shakily "just a bit of a weird simulation this time. I don't really want to talk about it."

"Ok, just remember I'm here if you need to talk," he said, placing a hand on my arm. "You can talk to me about anything."

I gave him a smile before leaning back in my chair and contemplating the simulation. I didn't feel like that towards Phil, did I? I knew he didn't feel like that towards me.

But I was beginning to understand what that funny feeling I got when I saw him was, and I didn't like my suspicions one bit.

_**-So there you are, the fourth chapter. Got you scared there, didn't I? Don't worry; it was all a super scary simulation. If you enjoyed this chapter and/or want to make a suggestion for it, please leave a comment. Support is really appreciated and if I'm doing something wrong constructive criticism is always helpful. Thanks babes! **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Songs I recommend for this chapter: **_

_**All my heart; Sleeping with Sirens**_

_**The other side; Tonight Alive **_

**Phil's POV**

Dan had been acting kind of odd for a little while now. It had started after he had had his 'weird' simulation, as he had called it. When he came out of the Jab room he looked much worse than usual, and that's saying something! It hurt to see him acting like he was around me, when usually we were so close. It was almost like he felt scare; when he laughed, it sounded a little more forced each time, and his smile didn't reach his eyes.

We were doing our exercise together again this week, so after getting our shopping we met up at Dan's house again, quickly checking our fringes before leaving into the warmth of the sun.

I have always found that running calms me down. It's something about the repetition, having nothing to think about other putting one foot in front of the other. It feels nice to know you are getting somewhere, as a pose to being stuck with your thought going in circles around your head. The sun was dazzling as it glinted off the buildings and birds nested on the wires going over our heads.

We ran in sync, same speed, same timing. It felt good just to spend time with Dan, without the need for conversation or anything. Just being. We ran the same route as last week, starting facing away from the sun and ending running towards it. The sunset painted the sky pretty shades of orange and pink as the last rays of warmth disappeared below the ground. We got to Dan's house just before it got dark. Dan, who always seemed to have some sort of fruit juice lying around, poured us each a glass before we sat down on his sofa.

**Dan's POV**

Phil looked kind of nervous as we sat down. I hoped I hadn't done anything wrong. It had been hard to pretend nothing was wrong this week while internally my thoughts were battling between themselves. I had tried to pass of the simulation I had had as just a particularly odd dose of fear simulation; but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it meant something. Phil meant so much to me, losing him would be torture. And the kiss, well… I suppose that bit hadn't been that bad.

Wait, what did I just think? I can't think like that! I'm not gay and anyway Phil doesn't like me in that way so even if I did…

I suddenly became aware that Phil was talking to me and jerked out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, could you say that again? I'm feeling a bit tired,"

"See? This is what I'm talking about. You've been really distracted ever since you had that simulation a few days ago. What's wrong?"

Oh. Obviously I hadn't hidden my thoughts as well as I thought I had. I sighed and began to think of all the possible excuses I could make for my odd behavior. But then I saw the look Phil was giving me. He seemed really worried, and more than a little hurt. I decided he deserved the truth. Or most of it.

"In the simulation I had you got shot and I think It was because of me but I couldn't do anything to help you and I tried to help you I really did but I got hit over the head by someone and I think you died and… and I didn't stop and I should have done something and I'm so sorry"

The story came out in a big rush. I didn't tell him about the kiss, _obviously._ But I told him the worst parts, not that they were the reason for me acting strangely. I searched his face, waiting for his reaction. He, in turn, was looking at me closely, scrutinizing my face. Somehow, I didn't think he believed the shortened version of my story. Still, he went along with it, saying:

"I've been immune to the simulations for a while now. It's something to do with being able to feel I think. I've never had it as bad as you, and recently its almost completely stopped working. But once in a while, I'll have a really bad one. It's always the same. Always about you dying. Every since I met you, its been the same. I usually have one every week but sometimes more. Other than that, I just go into some sort of dream state when they inject me."

**Phil's POV**

I could see the surprise register in Dan's face as he took in what I said. I hadn't wanted to tell him about my simulations, neither had I wanted to tell him about the kisses we had shared in them. If I told him that, he would freak out. But I thought he deserved to know about at least part of mine, seeing as he had opened up to me. Eventually, Dan broke the silence:

"It feels good to get that off my chest."

"I know, same here. I get the same thing. After all the simulations I have where you die, I just feel so bad. It makes me wonder what I would do if something happened to you in real life. I would go mad with guilt if I just let you die. I really care about you." I reached out and squeezed his hand. He looked really sad but he said:

"I care about you too Phil. I really do."

I still don't understand why I did what I did after that. It was just instinct. It seemed like the right thing to do.

I was looking into his eyes and I found myself getting closer to him. My eyes were closing. And then we were kissing.

I pressed my lips to his, feeling him tense in surprise before he relaxed into the kiss. It only lasted for a few seconds but it seemed much longer. And then it was over, and I was staring into those amazing eyes once more.

_**- New chapter soon! As always, please comment if you have anything to say. Follow my tumblr: evieisok. Thanks babes!**_


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